Have you ever felt like you were waiting for others to give you the love and attention you deserved? I did too—until I realized the most important relationship is the one, I have with myself.

In university, I started celebrating my birthday all month long. Party after party, event after event. I loved the planning, the gathering of friends, and the excitement of it all.

But when I moved to Sweden, I was battling depression, and things changed. I started to question my friendships. When people, called on my birthday, I felt sadness instead of joy. I longed for the attention I got in one day to last all year round.

That’s when it hit me—no one was going to give me the love and attention I needed. The only person who could give that to me was me.

A year before my divorce, I made a decision. I would start a new tradition: taking a solo birthday trip every year. A reminder that only I can make myself truly happy. It’s been the most refreshing and rewarding gift I’ve ever given myself.

Here are some of the places this tradition has taken me:

The Beginning: A New Tradition in Copenhagen

My first solo trip was bar hopping in Copenhagen. It felt incredibly brave to take that step alone, but it was so worth it—and where the tradition began.

Lesson learned: I tried convincing friends to join me, but they all said no. That’s when I realized I was meant to start this journey solo, as a way to learn that my happiness is in my own hands.

What unexpected thing happened? On the train to Copenhagen (just a 15-minute ride from where I lived in Sweden), I found a phone with an ID inside. I ended up doing a good deed by returning it to the owner the next day.

Discovering Myself in Vienna

I spent a week in Vienna, and I completely fell in love with the city. I also deepened my connection with Mozart, whose music had been a comfort during my depression. Now, I listen to it when I need to focus.

Lesson learned: I was waiting for the right train that never arrived, only to realize I was standing on the wrong side of the tracks. This got me thinking about how, in life, I had been waiting for something spectacular to happen while being in the wrong place mentally. It was up to me to get clear and take action toward my goals.

What unexpected thing happened? Traveling solo taught me how much fun it can be to trust my intuition and enjoy my own company.

A Local Escape: Bosque del Apache, NM

Sometimes, adventure doesn’t require a plane ticket. I took a 40-minute drive from home to stay in a cute Airbnb for just $25 and explored the bird reserve at Bosque del Apache.

Lesson learned: Travel doesn’t have to be expensive to be fulfilling. This quick, affordable trip was a reminder that happiness is always within reach.

What unexpected thing happened? I felt alive and deeply grateful. Nature was outstanding, and the calming beauty of the bird reserve was exactly what I needed.

Finding Joy in Hot Springs

Another short trip, this time a 5-hour drive from home to Faywood Hot Springs, NM, was a chance to laugh at myself. I stayed in what felt like a Barbie house, and I couldn’t stop laughing for three days straight!

Lesson learned: Laughing at your own mistakes is so necessary to let go of guilt, shame, or worry. Sometimes, you just have to laugh it out!

What unexpected thing happened? I embraced the silliness of the experience and allowed myself to truly let go. It was so fun and unexpectedly healing.

Do I Take a Solo Trip Every Year?

Not always, and when I don’t, I regret it. I start feeling disconnected from my friends and family, and I catch myself expecting too much from them. That’s when I know it’s time to reconnect with myself. These trips are so important to me because they remind me that only I can take responsibility for my own happiness.

These days, I don’t drink alcohol, and I’m usually in bed by 9 p.m.—I left my party days behind in my 30s. But I still find joy in my birthday tradition, even if it looks a little different now.

This year, I canceled my solo trip to Puerto Vallarta and decided to put that money toward an even bigger adventure—celebrating my aunt’s 70th and my cousin’s 50th birthdays with my family in Athens. Greece has been on my bucket list for years, so it feels like the perfect trade-off.

Instead of my usual solo birthday trip, I’m treating myself in a different way—by getting a gym membership, relaxing by the pool, and holding onto a special birthday wish for myself… but I’m not quite ready to share that with the world just yet.

Conclusion

Each of my trips taught me something invaluable about life and happiness:

Copenhagen: I learned that only I can create my own happiness.
Vienna: I realized that getting clear and taking action toward my goals was entirely up to me.
Bosque del Apache: I discovered that meaningful travel doesn’t have to be expensive—it’s all about the experience.
Faywood Hot Springs: I embraced the healing power of laughter and the freedom it brings.

These adventures weren’t just vacations but powerful reminders that my happiness has always been, and will always be, something I cultivate from within. As I look ahead to future journeys, I know the most critical path is the one toward deeper self-love.

Have you ever taken a solo trip or carved out time just for yourself? I’d love to hear how it changed you—share your story in the comments below!

Avocado hugs,
Monica

The Journey to Self-Love: Why I Travel Solo for My Birthday